The Opposable Thumbnail: Shooting Trouble (before it shoots you)

Thank you for purchasing the ultimate drug of the 21st century!

If your life doesn't light up immediately then check your connections. And if this trouble persists refer to the section on 'trouble shooting'. In your pack today you will find 6,930,055,154 people, a smart device (iPad/Smart Phone/Computer), fresh coffee, a vast array of assorted social networks and related tools – together with the infinite opportunity to either waste or improve your entire life.

Glad to have you as my 'friend'!

Oh and don't forget if you have any issues, breakdowns or personal problems with any of this then refer to the section on 'trouble shooting'. Oh crap, there's no section on that. In fact there's no instruction on starting up, figuring it out, how to avoid making a complete ass of yourself or even getting to any valuable use!

Can I start over?

Nope.

Everyone is using the web and social networking for different ends. (Doh!) Personally I'm using it to rehearse my own thinking on lots of things. I'm using it for finding new people and stimulus for my thinking and widening my influence in some way to achieve my ambition for positive change. Trouble is how do I get to choose my friends on this journey?

Like all journeys there are thieves, charlatans and poets, wizards, jugglers, gurus – those with great lessons and stories along the rugged path. So in all of this is it possible to spot the great connections from the vampires and the leeches (before they screw us) and in so doing do we know how to behave properly?

(I'm having trouble shooting the vampires and leeches when I find them).

Turn to the section on Sinister

Manipulation…

We have the attention span of a gnat's 'App' – and moreover a very small percentage of that is getting used with any quality or finesse. Just as we only use 4% of our brain (some plainly far less) – we only use a fraction of the dazzling menu of tools and capabilities we now have

What is that all about? Nowadays we edit everything we do down to text speak. IMOK (with that). However we don't read user guides anymore, and we expect everything to be intuitive and easy - or even already done for us. Where does this end up I wonder?

In all of this are we losing the elegance and quality of everything or is it just an inevitable evolution, a stepping-stone to something else – and we should just get over it? Probably. Our word processing technology completes our sentences for us - (I just got evil pluton instead of evolution).

Turn to the section on Vile Revulsion…

In getting rid of the instruction and guidance, that came with our earlier complex equipment, are we losing the plot? Are we losing any chance we had of understanding what constitutes positive standards of use and decency – or are we so darned civilised that we don't need it and our peers will guide is from some massive cyber-help community in the cloud? Well who has the role of setting the standards in that scenario? I want to meet him/her/it/thing. (Please)

Do we really not need something to fill this gap these days? Well it isn't going to happen. It's self-regulating right?

Where does the self-regulating quality control come from as we all migrate to virtual relationships, and as the general context of politeness and grace in behavioural standards decline? Am I old fashioned to still expect truth and honour, respect and privacy when I want it? I used to be able to take the phone off the hook. Now I even have robot call centres calling me every day to re lay the lawns that I don't have. In social communities the deceit is even more sinister and creeping.

Courtesy is so double edged.

Do we want conflict in our on-line life? Not really. Can we live with aggression any less in our virtual relationships. Personally I have this big issue with the lack of respect in on-line debates, the lack of quality of comments and posts but do I go and rant and rage? No I tend to just let it drift by and avoid confrontation but I am getting close to changing tack.

Turn to the section on Impolite Sycophancy...

Do I actually want (or need) everyone to be friends with me? Err… no actually but in reality and by not raising the game (and being more aggressive/selective) are we all unintentionally lowering that invisible peer group framework standard? Should I be more aggressive with banality and superficiality?

Totes!*

And in being superficial and selective on line (and in not replying or 'liking') we are now signalling something else it seems. Insincerity and lack of integrity – and the new buzz is apparent. Becoming so rife it's not even funny.

Enough of all that then – it's the air-cover people now try to fly under that intrigues me. It is far too easy these days for people to appear like they genuinely want to be friends in the online space when its blindingly obvious that they actually want to simply drink my blood and urinate all over my children in the pursuit of promoting their fucking cure-all premium rate nose-bag amaze balls self-help weekend.

Can someone please pass the user guide as we need to do some trouble shooting. I want to rediscover the grace, charm, art and craft of what real friendship means!

Hanging up gently!