Well to me anyway. I'm back in London (temporarily). I just took time out to do nothing and found that I can't do nothing. And I love that.
I've realised that I can't stay still.
As much as it sounds idyllic, I cannot sit on a rock and meditate. Maybe if someone taught me to get into a trance-like state (suitable for rock sitting) then I would figure how that works. I worked out that in fact I'm very happy with where I am. I loved my rock - and I already live in a trance-like state. I am a very lucky person – I have my roll as well as my rock.
I'm participating.
Sitting still doesn’t mean doing nothing of course.
As you would expect it sends your brain on a crazy ride that makes up for one's lack of physical motion. It delights in making the ride very whacky indeed. It is probably a symptom of our 'normal' life that our brain feels it has this deal with our devil - so it winds us up with violent mental electric shockerey.
Some thoughts emerged from my most recent road-trip.
They were recurring so I place them here to remind me of their work in progress. Frankly I will never answer them fully. Nor do I particularly care to. They provide a constant source of amusement, curiosity and challenge. They remind me what an utterly useless soul I am. They dare me to answer them. I should even have the temerity to conjur such daft questions shocks me as I see them written down.
"Do I have the ability/strength to change the course of my life?"
"Why is the source of creativity so impossible to put my finger on?"
"Do I really know anything for real? Does it really matter?"
"Actually - why is it that I'm unable to retain my mojo in the face of arcane human laws and systemic stupidity?"
"Why do I like so few people I meet?"
I have my roll.
I found myself asking these things as I sat at total peace and in a wonderful place. I'm very lucky that I have a very small selection of people around me that I love and that love me. I will protect them, their's and my own space above everything. I am fiercely protective and have the following two simple guidelines that ensure my sanity.
- Total respect and lifetime support for people who return that respect – there's no other transaction involved.
- Demand distance. I give everyone theirs - just don't ever ask me stuff that suggests you don’t get that.
Finally
Victor Frankl asked one hell of a question.
"Should we look for meaning at all?"
He goes on.
"I doubt whether a doctor can answer this question in general terms. For the meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day and from hour to hour. What matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning of a person's life at a given moment. One should not search for an abstract meaning of life.
Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life to carry out a concrete assignment which demands fulfilment. Therein he cannot be replaced nor can his life be repeated. Thus, everyone's task is as unique as is his specific opportunity to implement it.
As each situation in life represents a challenge to man and presents a problem for him to solve, the questions of the meaning of life may actually be reversed. Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather he must recognize that it is he which is asked.
In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible."
Frankl may not have given us the answer, but he asked the only question that mattered to him.
He was most definitely participating.
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