Can I have some English Mustard?
"Yes Sir."
It was a stupid request on my part. I should know better. I travel a lot. I eat in restaurants a lot. Stupid me. Was he lost? 8 minutes is a bloody long time when your meal is already in front of you. What was going on? What were they doing? I was on my own - the hotel restaurant was both cold and empty so there was really no excuse. I was cold and now - so was my meal.
The problem was not that the person serving was a dunce or a bad person - but the system dictated a silver spoon, thin white bloody china - the right 'branded' saucer. I don't know where the mustard was being kept – the Dordogne? Anyway I used the fleeting bits of clarity between the raging red mist to ponder.
The lightbulb moment? Or the moment of the lightbulb!
It's hard to say quite what happens - or when - but there is that incredible moment – that 'lightbulb' moment - as if a whole series of combinations of entirely random bits have tumbled into place in the metaphorical lock. A door to something amazing sucks itself open with a satisfying rush of air and relief! I love that moment! Crystal clear consciousness and the birth of a great idea.
What's the big idea?
All our clients always have great ambition. I hope that’s why they call us in. They want light speed progress towards brand spanking new territory. The sun-kissed uplands of opportunity. It might be new market value - at any cost. It might be superior quality in some specific regard. It will always be a transformation of sorts requiring bulbs to go flashing on all over the savannah.
So we ask them to describe the unique essence of what they do. Then how it might best be described! Often they have not been forced to think creatively like this before. It's a fascinating moment.
They will say - "The value of our stuff? - well it's huge." We will say - "Yes of course it is but why and how can you describe it in this world of super-superlative, over-use and crazy claim?" they will say "Right."
Anyway we start the conversation.
(Imagine that David Attenborough is doing this voice over - as if describing a pride of lionesses circling their prey… In fact you could read the whole piece in DA speak – it would make it all so much better.)
"The air is thick with anticipation. It is now the hottest part of the day. Rich and colourful marks are appearing on the white parched wall in the distance - the leader encourages everyone to focus. It is still now. Then slowly - but surely imagery starts to appear. It's as if it is imagining what the audience is saying - in pictures, phrases and ideas. In fact that is precisely what is happening."
"As the pace quickens the red earth is thrown up by the heels of many impatient minds. Only a couple of minutes has gone by. It seems much longer. We are witnessing a deeply inner debate - a stand-off between these powerful mammals – it seems to us onlookers to stir endlessly around the same topic – sometimes rather too long for some. It's an age old process – these mammals can be seen to do this almost every day.
"Some of those in the centre of the group are getting restless, impatient for a charge – towards a big idea. New words get thrown into what now looks like frenzy – it is frenzy. All of this remarkable spectacle has taken nearly five minutes. "
"Fresh meat gets offered up - a slogan, new phrases, a new slant, a famous quote - the temperature increases – mingled with speckles of dust catching and sparkling like firefly's dancing in the suns early evening rays. (may have gone too far there) There's even more anticipation, blood can be seen rushing through the necks of this now trapped circle of flesh. A redefinition of the key requirement is called out. A reminder of what we are trying to do. Around and around another couple of minutes."
"Then as if by some distant signal - at some magical, imperceptible point, as the image builds in peoples minds and on the wall, a noticeable change emerges. A finale. It happened in a split second. What a brilliant idea! - that’s it!"
So how come English Mustard takes 8 minutes?
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