I will never rent a Citroen C5 again.
I can't imagine why a motor manufacturer would name a car after Sir Clive Sinclair's failed electric folly but there you have it. The centre of the steering wheel is large, ugly and square, the bit you hold is round. The bit in the middle stays put when you turn the wheel. So if, like me, you hold various parts of the wheel in different ways as you maneouver hairpin bends at 100mph you will break your wrist and fingers with guaranteed and crushing whelps of pain!
Utterly ridiculous design. Think about it.
If Apple built a car - oh my goodness. You would be able to see behind and in front of you at the same time. Sideways too. Everyone would marvel as it docked with a shoosh in your house or (with the mobile dock) anywhere the hell you damn well please.
The Sat Nav system is a full HD wind-screen with anti-glare lick my face super gloss device. Angry Birds would be swiped (or pinched) off with a very satisfying flick of your little finger as they hit your screen. There would be a delicious schloop sound. Stephen Fry tweets curious sites of historic or general interest at you - as you wish.
In an iCar you don't need to concentrate on the road, that's handled by the on board magic mouse. You are left free to download apps of your choice and arrive at your destination refreshed and ahead of the pack. You often don't need to travel though because - with Total Surround Screen Technology (TSST) and Telepresence (T) the inside of the iCar is a fully equipped conference venue fully integrated with social media and augmented reality.
There's an app for giving you the impression of driving to the office as fast as Lewis Hamilton - with all the effects but the iCar manages you within the sedate traffic outside via the Slow Leopard OS feature.
You can choose whatever weather you would like to be displayed through the sun-roof display. You are adding automatically to Google Earth as you go. Foursquare and Gowalla are in fact sponsoring your fuel - Apple Juice.
It's impossible to get a ticket because the body of iCar is so aerodynamic as to ensure they can't be stuck to it. Traffic wardens are PC anyway so they are completely incompatible anyway.
Traffic jams become enjoyable with the right music for the road conditions. Road movies are unlimited and free.
"We've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it" - Blues Brothers
Auditorium quality sound is played through the seats and directly connected via your Apple 'BodyPad' driving suit. Designed in California - Black Cru Neck and Denim ensemble - BUT - here's the scoop - it's actually a total immersion, multi-media touch sensitive interface to iCar. This comes as standard on the iCar CoupeAir.
All current versions allow you to configure your own dashboards and select your own background colors.
All your devices - wife, husband and kids would fit and operate seamlessly without further configuration. A Ski rack comes as standard and you would get nearly 60 MP3. That's awesome.
The only queues you will meet from now on will be those other folk queuing get their hands on one. Although V.1.0 doesn't allow it, the plan is for future versions to neatly fold away into your shirt pocket and recharge from the heat of your body.
Yes the batteries only last 40 minutes at the moment.
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